Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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