Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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