Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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