did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
