She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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