I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
