My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
