you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
