Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
