the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
