Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
