There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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