Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
