Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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