I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
