so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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