Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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