Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
