people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
