i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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