At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
