She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
