BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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