mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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