So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
