Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Non-Jews are for practice
do herpes really smell.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
