you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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