She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
