Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
