would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
