those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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