I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
