And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
