careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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