meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
