We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
