i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Randomize
