I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
where are my eyebrows?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
