Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
