At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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