I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
