My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
