You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
