I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
