i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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