Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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