he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
