Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
