today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
