She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
