bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
