Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
