you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
