sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
