i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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