and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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