is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
