This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
