I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You pole danced in your parka.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
