Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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