I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize