I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
