K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
