Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
