fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
