I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
