Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
